#26: Self-Coaching Techniques to Keep Going When We Lose Motivation

Ok. We all have goals, and we start highly motivated, but then, all of a sudden, there comes a day in which we wake up not feeling that motivated anymore and may get stuck. In this episode, get powerful self-coaching techniques to keep going when you lose motivation. Listen now!

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Transcript

Welcome to The Neat Lifestyle Podcast. My name is Katia Mesquita. I'm a life coach, an online business entrepreneur, and your host on this weekly variety show. I'm excited to bring you an extra dose of inspiration to reorganize life to find and go after what you really want. My goal in this podcast is to help you achieve a more successful, harmonious, and meaningful life. I can't wait to connect with you today. Thank you so much for tuning in, and now let's begin. Hello and welcome to The Neat Lifestyle Podcast, now present in 51 countries all over the world. Thank you so much for listening. This is so special to me. I'm your host, Katia Mesquita, and in this episode, number 26, I will share with you some self-coaching techniques to keep going when we lose motivation, so let's get to the episode. 

We have goals, right? We usually have projects, some plans in our lives, and we are on the path of achieving them. But then it comes a day when we just wake up, and all of a sudden, that motivation just wanes, and we feel uninspired and not that productive anymore, to the point we stop. Some people get stuck and end up losing precious time, not knowing exactly what to do, how to get things back on track. Some people are quick enough to look for guidance and talk to their coaches. Successful people have coaches, right? It could be like a leadership coach, a life coach, a sports coach. Athletes have sports coaches in their modality. What else? A business coach, fitness coach, and so on. In general, people more experienced in a particular area of expertise or someone who already has what people want to, give them some guidance, share insights, which is going to save them a lot of time. So, having a coach somehow creates that shortcut. 

But anyway, I have coaches. I have a life coach and a business coach. Some people, on the other hand, struggle to figure things out themselves. Those who choose not to have a coach can get there eventually, of course. They can achieve what they want, but it may take a little bit longer. They can waste time in trial and error, basically reinventing the wheel until they figure out what works. So, in this episode, I want to help those who are struggling and also those who are not personally struggling, but they want to help someone else in that situation of struggle, and I'm going to do it by sharing some self-coaching techniques to help them keep going and get back on track as quick as possible so they don't delay any longer that very thing they want to achieve in life. 

Using some self-coaching techniques requires developing yourself to the point where you know where to search and find the answers you need, develop some basic characteristics of a coach, and get some essential techniques and apply them to yourself. It's not going to replace a coach, of course, because coaches have a different expertise, a different level of experience, but it can be helpful, especially for those who still need some time to get prepared to hire a coach. Okay, first of all, what does a coach do exactly? The role of a coach is essentially help people explore some of their issues. Also, identify and unblock barriers, whatever is getting in their way, offering different perspectives and alternatives in a more outcome-oriented way. In other words, in a way that can lead them to really achieve what they want. What else? Coaches also help them create an action plan to effectively get somewhere, supporting decision-making, stimulating also consistency, encouragement, and stimulating self-motivation as well, and maximizing their performances by helping them reach their peak potential. 

You can do some of these yourself, and I'm going to show you how. Basically, the way you can do it is by applying some of the characteristics of a coach to yourself. And don't worry if you don't have all these characteristics, but it's something that you can develop by being willing and by being open. So, let's say some characteristics of a good coach. A good coach is self-driven. It's a self-start kind of person, and once you get willing to do that, you can do it and apply to yourself. It's a matter of taking a decision to act in a self-driven way. Okay, today I'm going to act more self-driven. And what does a self-driven person do? They start things. They have initiative. They don't wait any external circumstance or any other person. They just go ahead and take the initiative. What else? Coaches manage emotions, also are active listeners, observant, positive, supportive, encouraging, also have the ability to sparkle self-motivation. Coaches are also compassionate, disciplined, leaders, non-judgmental, outcome-oriented, and lifelong learners. And one powerful technique is act as if. It's as simple as that. Act as if. And you can start by asking yourself, what would I do and what would I say if I was self-driven, if I manage my emotion, if I actively listen to myself, if I observe a little bit more, if I want to be more supportive to myself or if I want to be more encouraging, and so on.

Technique number two is by talking to a higher-minded person and asking their views about that particular situation or barrier you are overcoming. And what do I mean by higher-minded person? A person that already has what you want to achieve and why this person is higher-minded? Because this person, to have achieved that very thing you want, already has a different level of thinking, a different mindset that allowed them to get where they are now, and they can share these perspectives with you. You know, sometimes, people get too comfortable in just talking with people who are like-minded people. Of course, like-minded people are valuable, but it's also important to consider talking to higher-minded people, people who are a step ahead of them, and sometimes people ask me, Katia, how do we reach them? How do we, you know, connect with them? You can start by paying attention to them, to what they did, to what they do, approaching them in a way you can demonstrate that you value them for who they are and for what they do instead of appreciating what they have. Making a genuine compliment can be helpful, but it's not enough. It's not powerful enough. 

Appreciating how the person looks like can be helpful, but it's actually very superficial, and also, not go there to obtain something material from them. And secondly, expressing how you would appreciate their views in a certain aspect of an issue you want to take this step to overcome. Many of them would be more than glad to share their views. Some of them, of course, would need some time to get to know you a little bit more before sharing or expressing something, and you give time, okay? Some others are going to be more than happy to share something. When people reach out to me, depending on the subject, I even create a full episode on the subject, and it makes me feel happy, too, to somehow contribute in making a difference in someone's life. So, for me, is an opportunity that gives me a sense of purpose and contribution. 

Technique number three is by reading some coaching books or biographies related, of course, to the problem you are overcoming. Just make sure you have a book recommendation from someone, or you may lose a lot of time trying to, you know, find the right title, the right author, that can be helpful in that particular situation. But let's put all this into practice. How would that look like in real life? How would we apply to our lives? Let's go. One situation would be that situation I mentioned before of acting as a self-driven person, a person more willing to take initiative on their own. The initiative, for instance, to remind yourself of the big reason why you have your goals in the first place, because your big why, your big reason why is a very thing that can be helpful in keep things going, and somehow sparkling in you your self-motivation. And you can also use this self-driven approach to start taking action now instead of waiting to find clarity first. Remember, action brings clarity. We don't wait to have clarity before starting to act. It's backward. As we start taking action, we keep finding clarity. 

Number two: a situation in which you feel demotivated or stuck somehow. By acting as observant, you can start observing your behaviors and raising questions to yourself to identify what barriers are getting in your way, and by acting as observant, you can notice that sometimes the barrier can be caused by someone or something else, and sometimes it can be caused by yourself, by your own thoughts, and, you know, sometimes we get in our own way. If you pay attention, you can start noticing that your inner talks can play against you. If you don't manage and redirect your inner talks, they can drag you down, so start noticing how your inner talks are and try to reframe and redirect your inner talks in a more favorable way. Another thing that you can notice by acting as observant is that lack of motivation can also be caused by lack of sleep and rest. So, in this case, you would just need some time to recharge, to rest. Lack of motivation can also be related to health problems, okay? And maybe you need to address that by booking a doctor's appointment. It might be, for example, a lack of some vitamins or minerals or even some kind of hormonal imbalance. 

Number three, after investigating the origin of the barrier, you can act as a lifelong learner and read a book related to the barrier, related to the problem. Just make sure to get a book recommendation before, to get to the right one, okay? To go straight to the right one. There are millions of books out there, but judging by the cover may not lead you to the best choice. There are great books written by experts who share their expertise, so this is a way you can somehow still get some coaching from the expert who wrote a book on that particular subject or particular problem. An amazing book that can help you coach yourself is called The 2-Day-CEO by Skylar Lewis. Do you think that this book is only for CEOs or business owners? Not at all. This book brings lessons to a successful life, and no wonder CEOs use it. It's a small book, very conversational, easy to read. For those who prefer someone reading the book for them, you can have the audiobook version of it. Is very convenient. I'm going to put the link to the book on the show notes of this episode so you can find it later to make sure it's the right book and the right author. 

Just to give you an idea, the audiobook version of this book is 5 hours and 47 minutes long, and you can finish this book in a couple of days. I'll promise you, it's much better than spending this time ruminating on the problem or probably ruminating on bad news on TV, and by reading a book on the subject, the good thing is that you are going to be focusing your attention and energy to the solution instead of losing time focusing on the problem. That is not going to get you anywhere. But if you identify that the barrier was created by yourself and your own thoughts, you can act as a lifelong learner and read a book on emotional management. One of the greatest books on management of emotions that I can't recommend enough. My listeners already know, I keep bringing this book up in many episodes, is the life-changing book 90 Seconds to a Life You Love by psychologist Joan Rosenberg, PhD. Sometimes, it has a lot to do with self-sabotage. Sometimes, it's about feeling unworthy of the good in life, and books that bring insights about overcoming self-sabotage can be extremely helpful. 

Number four, if you keep asking questions like "what if," only in the negative approach, it doesn't help, okay? If you keep asking "what ifs" like, what if it's not going to work? What if it's a bad thing? What if people don't show up? Whatever. Acting as a supportive, non-judgmental, and positive person can help you reframe these "what ifs" for a more outcome-oriented direction. Something like, what if it's going to work? What if it's a good thing? What if people will show up? 

Hi there, Katia here to make a quick announcement. One of the biggest mistakes people make when they want to change their lifestyle and start attracting their own clients in revenue is quitting their jobs before preparing what they need. It usually happens because many of us were taught just how to become good employees with no access to marketing information that could actually set us free. Well, I've been there, and after discovering how marketing works and applying it myself, I started experiencing the freedom to work with something I really enjoy. Choose the days and time I'm available to work, travel wherever I want, whenever I want, and I wish the same for those who also want to experience that. I believe that a job can be something transitional, and marketing information should be accessible to everyone. That's why I've created the masterclass, "Attract Your Own Clients and Revenue Online." I wanna show you how to utilize your expertise and marketing strategies to attract your own clients and generate revenue online so you can step into the freedom you were meant to have. And better yet, this masterclass is absolutely free. To register, visit my website at neatlifestyle.com/programs or click on the link in the show notes of this episode, and we can get started right now. 

A shift of perspective can place you in a more favorable state, and a positive approach can change your emotional state to a state that can attract more good people, better opportunities, and solutions. 

Situation number five: if you're going to make a difficult decision, you can ask for some views from some people who have experienced something similar. But in the end, the decision will be yours, and remember, a wrong decision is usually better than not making decision at all, because indecision can lead you to miss opportunities, increase your stress, and regret. On the other hand, making a decision, even if it's a wrong decision, can provide you with a lesson. This lesson is valuable so you do different next time and you do better, and you have more possibility to succeed and to feel more confident. So act as supportive, act as compassionate, and an encouraging person to yourself. 

Number six: after identifying what was getting in your way and redefining your perspectives and mindset, act as a disciplined leader to create your own action plan, breaking your goals into smaller goals and adding them effectively to your calendar. Just make sure not to overwhelm yourself with a big to-do list because what happens is that when people see a big to-do list, they get stuck. They don't do any of those tasks. They just stop. While if you just put a few things to do, even one thing, the one thing that can move the needle related to your goal, if you do one thing each day, you are still making progress. Sometimes, less is more. Doing less can allow you to make the progress you need to get there without overwhelming yourself and giving yourself some time and opportunity to enjoy your moments in your life in the process situation. 

Number seven, suppose you just woke up that day not feeling motivated, okay? Unless it's something related to a health problem or lack of sleep, if you want to succeed, act as a disciplined leader to stimulate consistency and make an effort to do what needs to be done regardless of whether you are motivated or not. Of course, it's so much better to do things when we are motivated, but we should not rely on motivation to do things. What I do that helps me sometimes is to put some music, change my mood a little bit, or talk a little bit just for a few minutes with an uplifting friend, and sometimes I close my eyes and remind myself of how many things I am grateful for. I bring up at least three things I'm grateful for. It could be anything. It could be something very simple like I'm grateful for having the basics I need, for being who I am, for the family I have, or grateful for faving a roof where I live. Anything, actually, everything we have, we should be grateful for, and reminding that can be powerful. 

Situation number eight: If you want to maximize your performance and reach your peak potential, you can act as a lifelong learner and learn from books how to achieve more by doing less. I'm gonna share with you one book. It's one of my secret weapons. This book is called Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt. And don't be surprised if you have this book as a milestone for you and compare your life before reading this book and after reading this book. It's one of those OMG books that you just change your whole perspective in a few hours of reading. It's also a book, very conversational, easy to read, and amazing, simply amazing.

Situation number nine: if you want some better ideas or better solutions, act as a leader that improve the quality of your questions because when you make better questions, you have better ideas, better insights, and you can do that by making outcome-oriented questions. Outcome-oriented questions for those who are not familiar are those type of questions that can lead you to solutions. Questions like, "How do I overcome this situation?" "How do I do this to get that?" See, these questions are oriented to steps you can take that can lead you to achievement. On the other hand, some questions in this case may not be so helpful. Questions like, "Why does it keep happening all the time?" "Why me?" "Why am I suffering?" These are the kind of questions that, in this case, won't get you anywhere because they are actually the type of questions that may keep you in the loop, overthinking and stuck. So consider asking yourself the right questions, questions that are outcome-oriented, and let the questions sit there for a little while. Soon, sometimes in the next day, sometimes in a few days, your own mind will bring the answer for you. 

Situation number ten: you sometimes feel uncomfortable with the problem you are facing or a step you would need to take to overcome the problem, and then you get stuck because you feel uncomfortable, and then you kind of start to get busy with other things so you don't face the uncomfortable. Act as an encouraging leader to face the uncomfortable situation as many times as you need to get used to it until you start not feeling uncomfortable anymore. Have the power over the uncomfortable. Don't let the uncomfortable have power over you. Notice that sometimes we keep busy doing a lot of tasks that are not related to what needs to be done to reach our goals, and this kind of behavior of keeping ourselves busy all the time are usually excuses we keep saying to ourselves in order to avoid facing the uncomfortable, and as you keep practicing these techniques, they will start becoming new habits for you that will make your success inevitable. 

That's all for today. And remember, this podcast was meant to give you insights to enhance your life and help you achieve what you want, so you are invited to listen to previous episodes. They were built to remain up to date. You can listen to them in order or just scroll through and see which topic inspires you. I hope you received some value. If you did, please send me a DM on Instagram and let me know how this episode spoke to you. I can't wait to hear from you. I'm Katia Mesquita, and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye!

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you liked what you heard today, be sure to share it with those you care about so they can also benefit from it. If you aren't already following me on social media, do so by clicking on the link on the show notes or simply by visiting my website at neatlifestyle.com. I appreciate you so much. I hope you have an amazing day. I'll see you in the next episode of The Neat Lifestyle Podcast.